Robert Asprin. Epigraps for Myth series

I. Another Fine Myth

1. "There are things on heaven and earth,
    Horatio, Man was not meant to know"
                                  -Hamlet

2. "Things are not always as they seem"
                              -Mandrake

3. "The only thing more reliable than magik is
    one's friends!"
                                      -Macbeth

4. "Careful planning is the key to safe and
    swift travel"
                                   -Ulysses

5. "Only constant and conscientious practice
    in the Martial Arts will ensure a long and
    happy life"
                                       -B. Lee

6. "Attention to detail is the watchword for
    gleaning information from an unsuspecting
    witness"
                              -Insp. Clouseau

7. "Is there anything in the universe more
    beautiful and protective than the simple
    complexity of a spider's web?"
                                  -Charlotte

8. "In times of crisis, it is of utmost impor-
    tance not to lose one's head"
                                -M. Antoinette

9. "To function efficiently, any group of
    people or employees must have faith in
    their leader"
                       -Capt. Bligh (ret.)

10. "Man shall never reach his full capacity
     while chained to the earth. We must take
     wing and conquer the heavens"
                                      -Icarus

11. "One of the joys of travel is visiting new
     towns and meeting new people"
                                      -G. Khan

12. "First impressions are of major importance
     in business matters"
                           -J. Pierpoint Finch

13. "The secret to winning the support of large
     groups of people is positive thinking"
                                  -N. Bonaparte

14. "A little help at the right time is better than
     a lot of help at the wrong time"
                                             -Tevye

15. "Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as
     taking candy from a baby' has never tried
     taking candy from a baby"
                                      -R. Hood

16. "Just because something doesn't do what
     you planned it to do doesn't mean it's use-
     less"
                                      -T. Edison

17. "The wonders of the ages assembled for
     your edification, education, and enjoy-
     ment - for a price"
                                -P.T. Barnum

18. "No matter what the product or service
     might be, you can find it somewhere else
     cheaper!"
                                  -E. Scrooge

19. "By persevering over all obstacles and
     distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at
     his chosen goal or destination"
                                    -C. Columbus

20. "With the proper consideration in choice of
     allies, victory may be guaranteed in any
     conflict"
                                     -B. Arnold

21. "One must deal openly and fairly with one's
     forces if maximum effectiveness is to be
     achieved"
                                      -D. Vader

22. "This is another fine myth you've gotten me
     into!"
                             -Lor L. and Har D.

23. "Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever
     gone as planned"
                                    -D. Graeme

24. "Ya gotta be subtle!"
               -M. Hammer

25. "Just because you've beaten a sorcerer,
     doesn't mean you've beaten a sorcerer"
                                 -Toth-Amon

26. "A woman, like a good piece of music,
     should have a solid end"
                             -F. Schubert


II. Myth Conceptions

1. "Life is a series of rude awakenings"
                            -R.V. Winkle

2. "First impressions, being the longest
    lasting, are of utmost importance"
                              -J. Carter

3. "Ninety percent of any business trans-
    action is selling yourself to the client"
                                -X. Hollander

4. "If the proper preparations have been
    made and the necessary precautions
    taken, any staged event is guaranteed
    success"
                    -Ethelred the Unready

5. "...Eye of newt, toe of frog..."
   -Believed to be the first recipe
    for an explosive mixture...
    The forerunner of gunpowder

6. "That's entertainment!"
         -Vlad the Impaler

7. "Numerical superiority is of no conse-
    quence. In battle, victory will go to the
    best tactician"
                                 -G.A. Custer

8. "Anything worth doing, is worth doing
    for a profit"
                               -Teresias

9. "There is more at stake here than our
    lives"
                            -Col. Travis
                          Alamo Pep Talk

10. "One need not fear superior numbers if
     the opposing force has been properly
     scouted and appraised"
                                  -S. Bull

11. "Should old acquaintance be forgot..."
                    -Count of Monte Cristo

12. "This is no game for old men! Send in
     the boys!"
                                 -W. Hays

13. "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce"
                             -Henry VIII

14. "We're looking for a few good men"
                           -B. Cassidy

15. "I'll worry about it tomorrow"
                        -S. O'Hara

16. "Myth-conceptions are the major cause
     of wars!"
                               -A. Hitler

17. "Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the
     civilized warrior"
                                  -Hun, A.T.

18. "Just before the battle, Mother, I was
     thinking mos of you..."
                             -Sonny Barker

19. "What if they gave a war and only one
     side came-"
                                 -Lucifer

20. "Chain of command is the backbone of
     military structure and must be strictly
     obeyed"
                               -F. Christian

21. "It takes a giant to fight a giant"
                               -H. Prym

22. "Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched"
                                   -C. Mather

23. "What is this, a Chinese fire drill?"
                                 -Sun Tzu

24. "...and then I said to myself, 'Why
     should I split it two ways-'"
                             -G. Mouser

25. "Is everybody happy?"
             -Machiavelli

26. "All's well that ends well"
                      -E.A. Poe


III. Myth Directions

1. "Dragons and Demons and Kings,
    Oh my!"
              -The Cowardly Klahd

2. "When old friends get together,
    everything else pales to insignificance"
                    -War, Famine, Pestilence
                     and Death

3. "That's funny, I never have any
    trouble with sevice when I'm shopping"
                                  -K. Kong

4. "'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute
    term"
                   -Baron Frank N. Further

5. "Nothing is impossible. Anything can
    be accomplished with proper prepa-
    rations and planning"
                         -Ponce de Leon

6. "Now you see it, now you don't"
                   -H. Shadowspawn

7. "A friend in need is a pest"
                        -Fafhrd

8. "Once more into the breach..."
     -Zarna, the Human Cannonball

9. "War may be Hell... but it's good for
    business!"
              -The Association for
               Merchants, Manufacturers,
               and Morticians

10. "Old heroes never die; they reappear
     in sequels"
                            -M. Moorcock

11. "What do you mean, 'You've got a
     little job for me'?"
                           -Hercules

12. "Out of the frying pan, into der fire"
                        -The Swedish Chief

13. "If you can't dazzle them with dex-
     terity, baffle them with bullshit!"
                          -Prof. H. Hill

14. "As any magician will tell you - Myth
     Directions is the secret of a suc-
     cessful steal"
                              -D. Henning

15. "-Or was it unlock the safe then
     swim to the surface?"
                         -H. Houdini

16. "...and then the fun began"
                  -N. Bonaparte

17. "I'm sure we can talk things out like
     civilized people"
                                -J. Wayne

18. "What's the point-spread on World
     War III?"
                           -R. Reagan

19. "Why should I pay a troll just
     to cross a bridge?"
                       -B.G. Gruff

20. "What are friends for?"
                -R.M. Nixon

21. "We've got an unbeatable team!"
                            -Sauron

22. "No matter what the game, no matter
     what the rules, the same rules apply
     to both sides!"
                             -Hoyle's Law

23. "Life is full of little surprises"
                              -Pandora

24. "This contest has to be the dumbest
     thing I've ever seen"
                             -H. Cosell

25. "If you can't win fair, just win!"
                           -U.S. Grant

26. "Winning isn't the most important
     thing; it's the only thing!"
                           -J. Caesar

27. "Ask not for whom the bell tolls-"
                               -M. Ali



IV. Hit or Myth

1. "There's something to be said for relatives
    ...it has to be said because it's unprint-
    able!"
                                  -A. Einstein

2. "When things are blackest, I just tell myself
    'cheer up, things could be worse!' And
    sure enough, they get worse!"
                                         -Skeeve

3. "Once a knight, always a knight,
    But once a King is once too often!"
                -Sir Bella of Eastmarch

4. "Duty: a fee paid for transacting in
    good(s)"
                -U.S. Dept. of Commerce

5. "The only thing worse that a sorcerer is a
    sorcerer's apprentice"
                                    -M. Mouse

6. "Good information is hard to get. Doing
    anything with it is even harder!"
                             -L. Skywalker

7. "There is no counter for a spirited woman
    except spirited drink"
                                  -R. Butler

8. "Choose your friends carefully. Your ene-
    mies will choose you!"
                                  -Y. Arafat

9. "I don't know why anyone would be nerv-
    ous about going to see royalty"
                              -P. in Boots

10. "Superior firepower is an invaluable tool
     when entering into negotiations"
                                   -G. Patton

11. "Tell you what. Let me sweeten the deal a
     bit for you..."
                                   -Beelzebub

12. "I'm making this up as I go along!"
                              -I. Jones

13. "Marriage, being a lifelong venture, must be
     approached with care and caution"
                                      -Bluebeard

14. "Some farewells are easier than others"
                                -P. Marlowe

15. "In a war against organized crime, survival
     is a hit or myth proposition"
                                      -M. Bolan

16. "It's always easier to destroy than to
     create"
           -Any general, any army, any age

17. "The best laid plans often go fowl"
                        -Wile E. Coyote

18. "Life can be profitable, if you know the
     odds"
                                     -Ripley

19. "These blokes need to be taught to respect
     their superiors"
                              -Gen. Cornwallis

20. "Figure the last thing you would expect
     the enemy to do, then count on him doing
     precisely that!"
                                   -Richelieu

21. "Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!"
                        -V. Dracula


VII. M.Y.T.H. Inc. Link

1. "Petty crime is the scourge of business today"
                                       -D. Lorean

2. "It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'!"
                                             -L. Borgia

3. "It's all a matter of taste"
                     -B. Midler

4. "If you're too busy to help your friends, you're
    too busy!"
                                        -L. Iacocca

5. "What fools these mortals be"
                          -Smaug

6. "Not everything in life is funny"
                        -R.L. Asprin



VIII. Myth-Nomers and Im-pervections

1. "Nobody's seen it all!"
               -Marco Polo

2. "They don't make 'em like they used to!"
                                   -H. Ford

3. "It's not even a nice place to visit!"
                   -Fodor's Guide To Perv

4. "Taxis are water soluble"
                   -G. Kelly

5. "I just need to pick up a few things"
                              -I. Marcos

6. "There's no place like home!"
                     -H. Johnson

7. "...On the street where you live"
    -Quote from an anonymous extortion note

8. "There's never a cop around when you need
    one!"
                                  -A. Capone

9. "...You gotta start somewhere"
                       -S. McDuck

10. "All financiers are not created equal!"
                                 -R. Corman

11. "How come I get all the hard questions?"
                                   -O. North

12. "HOLY BATSHIT, FATMAN! I mean..."
                               -Robin

13. "Who? Me, Officer?"
          -J. Dillinger

14. "Parting is such sweet sorrow"
                           -Figaro

15. "Easy credit terms available..."
                              -Satan

16. "You can judge the success of a man by his
     bodyguards!"
                                       -Prince

17. "Bibbity... bobbity..."
          -S. Strange, M.D.

18. "'M' is for many things she taught me..."
                                     -Oedipus

19. "I am not a crook!"
             -Any crook

20. "Were you looking for me?"
              -Dr. Livingstone


IX. M.Y.T.H. Inc. In Action

0. "What am I doing here?"
    -Any recruit, any army

1. "What do you mean
    my characters talk funny?"
                    -D. Runyon

2. "We want to make you
    feel at home!"
             -L. Borgia

3. "Just a little off the top!"
                     -A. Boleyn

4. "Squeeze, don't jerk, the trigger"
                           -R. Rogers

5. "When I travel, nobody knows me...
    and I like it that way!"
                             -S. King

6. "Boards don't hit back!"
                    -B. Lee

7. "To Serve and Protect..."
       -Traditional motto of
        protection rackets

8. "It takes one to know one!"
               -Jack D. Ripper

9. "Manners are acquired, not inherited!"
                                 -S. Penn

10. "Now, here's my plan!"
                 -R. Burns

11. "That's why the lady is a tramp!"
                           -B. Midler

12. "It sure looks to me like a big night
     tonight!"
                             -Arthur, Rex

13. "Weren't you expecting me?"
                      -J. Rambo

14. "You countermanded me on whose
     authority?"
                        -Pope John

15. "An army travels on its paperwork!"
                            -J. Carlson

16. "So what's wrong with following
     established procedures?"
                      -M. Gorbachev

17. "Ya gotta speak the language"
                      -N. Webster

18. "Has anybody got a plan?"
                 -G.A. Custer

19. "We must hurry... It's almost over!"
                                -P. Fogg

20. "I want a rematch!"
              -M. Tyson

Last-modified: Fri, 18 Jul 1997 07:46:27 GMT










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